Dehydrated Nonsense

Rantings from a voice like a Pixie

Ongoing lists:

- Things I Would Really Suck At

- Things I Would Really Kick Ass At

- Books read in 2009

- Movies seen in 2009

- Wishlist

Blogs and Sites I Visit:

- Stretch Daily

- Twitter

- Mastermaq's Blog

- Elle Bee's Blog

- SomethingTV

- Gus Greeper's Blog

- Sinfest (webcomic)

- A Softer World (webcomic)

Fri Jan 16

Things I Would Really Suck At:

An on-going list of self-awareness… Here are the things I have never been, but would probably really suck at being:

  • A Vampire. I don’t deal with change well, hate when people leave/die, and can’t stand the sight of blood.
  • A Mom. Another scotch little Jimmy? Can I light that cigar for you?
  • A Girlfriend. Can you please buy me stuff, help me pay for my house, watch movies with me, play video games together, and hang out with our friends? Oh, but please don’t touch me.
  • A Mad Scientist bent on taking over the world. I’m not very good with math or science… plus if I had a super awesome plan, I would totally want to share it with a lot of people.
  • A Country Music DJ during request hour. “If You Say Nothing At All”? Really? How about you go off yourself. No one needs to hear that so often.
  • Tight-rope walker. Heights are frightening… and I have no balance or grace to speak of.
  • Being Girly. I was left with a group of girls at a New Years Party and panicked. As if I know about blackcurrent jelly being delightful. You ever heard of grape flavour? Fuck yeah. Grape rocks.  Makeup? Times of the Month? You can keep ‘em. I’m going to watch Die Hard.
  • A Tall Person. Firstly, I will never be tall… unless someone has a secret rack they can stretch me out on. Secondly, I would be a prick (which would suck.) I would hide everything on tall shelves and never tell you little people about it.  Plus, I believe in going the extra mile… so I’d be about 8 ft. I wouldn’t be able to find a decent bed, pair of shoes, or anything. 
  • Being a Comedien. It’s not being in front of people, I’m normally okay with that… it’s just… I’m not funny. And I have TERRIBLE timing.  What? Prove it? Okay.. Knock Knock…. Who’s there you say? It’s GRAVITY BITCH! Get it? The door opened onto a cliff. See? My timing was all off.
  • Being Sarcastic. Oooh. No good at this at all. Especially not in my day to day life.  Nope, not me. I’m the least sarcastic person ever. Oh, and Hitman was soooo totally the best movie I’ve ever seen.
  • Being a Bearded Lady at a Carnival. Let’s start this one with a disclaimer… I don’t have a beard. BUT if I did, I would be the worst bearded lady ever.  I hate hair. Like, tons. I would exploit that beard until I had enough money for lazer hair removal.  Yeah, I’m out of a job… but do YOU want to be known as the lady with a beard?! I thought not.
  • A Mime. I would have to be quiet for lengthy periods of time. Enough said.

Suggestions are welcome.  This list will take some pondering.